Six years I was laid-off from my radio job. That was three lay-offs ago. But I'm not sure I'd trade my lay-offs for job security, although don't ask my husband that same question.
Six years ago I marched into a place called (probably not a good idea to say the name) Staffing Agency armed with an absolutely worthless resume and about 2 pounds of ego left... at that time 24 years of radio had left me with ABSOLUTELY NO SKILLS! (With the exception of absolutely worthless trivia that nobody really gives a damn about although I think it's pretty darn awesome that the song that goes "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" was written in the hot heat of July...for real, cool huh?...As it turns out, that's not a job skill.)
Where was I? At (Not a good idea to say the name) Staffing Agency, and I was there because I heard one of the ladies that ran it, well, she use to listen to my show when I was on another radio station. It turns out that being someone's favorite DJ doesn't qualify you for any job, just like certain actresses still have to take screen tests for roles. And I had to take an assessment test, because, just knowing when Chestnuts Roasting was written doesn't mean you can stack boxes...literally. So I took a typing test, and I'm proud to say that thanks to the "email" era, I still remembered how to type...and it turns out I can type (with errors factored in)...About 40 words a minute. Apparently there's no job offer for someone who types at that speed.
There was still hope, however, because according to (not her name) Vicki they were looking for people to do something called "light industrial" and yes, you have to take a test for that too.
So I took the "light industrial" test and apparently ACED IT!
Here are some of the sample questions:
1. You hear your friend is stealing and you think ;
A. This is ok...
B. Not ok...
C. None of the above...
D. Don't understand the question because I work at Walmart...
Vicki said not to worry, there were no right or wrong answers and there was an assignment opening up, in June...BUT THEN...something else opened up!!! I got called to do a three week assignment at a place (whose name I can't tell you) BUT...there was a recall --opps--product recall, not Governor recall, but because I'm from Wisconsin I can see how you would make that assumption. Anyway, there's a recall going on, and I'm going to be the person making the phone calls...Ok, one of the people..Apparently there were other people who also scored a 40 on a typing test...(except for you Tracy R. if you're reading this....) Anyway, thank God this place was desperate for help because the first day was kind of rough. Well, actually it was the second day...on the first day someone there told somebody else that I use to be a DJ so there was a steady stream of people coming down to look at the "celebrity." That was the first day. On the second day, a comment I made on the first day spread all over the place like wildfire.
Me..."I can't find the file."
My boss..."It's on your desktop."
Me (again)..."I'm looking on my desk and it's not there.."
In my defense, just because I knew how to send an email doesn't mean I knew what desktop meant, although I do now...and thanks to the fact that this place was desperate--it wasn't like today's economy--they kept me on and I eventually learned new words like "copy, paste and fax! I also learned how to "talk electrician..." Here's a sample;
"Sir, the problem is your cable was terminated incorrectly on the heat trace wire!"
I have no idea what I just said, but apparently, this is not good...the electrician on the other end of the line at the nuclear power plant always sounded very upset, but it was 11 bucks an hour which wasn't bad...I could also tell you about the time I "externed" (it's the same as "intern" but externs don't get paid) at a Pulmonary Hypertension clinic, and had to draw someone's blood for the nurse but OPPS...missed the vein...
Oh wait...Is someone playing Christmas music? Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire? You know, I know a story for that song... I'll save the missing the vein story for later... ; )
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