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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Rubiks cube...AWWWWW SHOOT!

I saw where the inventor of the Rubiks cube had a birthday the other day...my first thought was..."he's STILL alive?"...i would have thought that some crazy guy, fed up with trying to figure out how the darn thing works would have taken him out by now...i actually bought a rubiks cube--for the first time in 25 years--when they were celebrating their birthday last year and it only took a minute to figure out WHY i hadn't picked one up in 25 years...they stink!

I took my Rubiks cube out on my back 40 and shot it with my bb gun...it felt so good i went back in and brought out my chess set and got rid of that too...come to think of it, my Monopoly game has been starting to act kind of cocky lately...hmmmmmmmm.

Diets Suck!


...And this is coming from someone who is "technically" on a diet 365 days a year!

It's kind of frightening how it "all of a sudden" creeps up on you, one day, your jeans don't fit...(now, keep in mind your...ok, i mean MY jeans had been getting kind of tight lately BUT) ...then there's that awful day when even lying on the bed to zip up your jeans doesn't work...and then i'm like, "how'd this happen?!"

Has that ever happen to you?...No?...must just be me then...

There was a time a few years back where, out of TOTAL DESPERATION i wrote "NO" on the fridge in lipstick thinking that it would stop me during my late night raids...(under the logic that if i saw "NO" on my fridge at 3 am in the morning i would turn away and go back to bed)...i would have been better off writing "WASH ME" for as much good it did me, as the only thing i lost was part of my security deposit as the lipstick stained part of my fridge (darn you Max Factor!)

1. During my years as a professional dieter i have learned a few things...that drinking 8 ounces of grapefruit juice a day DOES work in helping you lose 3 pounds a month...(thanks to the National Enquirer for that information)...with the only problem, of course is it has to be the unsweetened crap and oh yeah, you have to ACTUALLY drink it...

2. I've also learned that you really don't have to exercise AS HARD if your willing to drink 64 ounces of water a day, which really wouldn't be that big of a deal except i never seem to remember to do it until 10 at night and then i empty out my 32 ounce cup of Code Red Mountain Dew from Speedway...(i'm trying to earn enough points for one of those free Applebee dinners)...then you fill the now empty cup with water and chug it down....SUGGESTION....if your not in "the mood" to chug a ton of water at one sitting it helps if you have one of those little packages of sour cream and onion potato chips...(you can get 4 for a dollar at most Pick N Save stores)..then you drink your water in two parts...grab a magazine and head on up to the bathroom...oh, and don't forget your pillow...your going to be up there for a while...

More summer emails...

My friend Cindy emailed me this and i just loved it...i thought you might get a kick out of it too...
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself...unless of course i want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
I will honor my personality flaws, for without them i would have no personality at all!

AND LASTLY,

Just for today, i will not sit in my living room all day watching tv...instead, i will move my tv into the bedroom. AMEN.

Summer salvation...i call it "the garden"


With all the crazy things going on in the world thank God, for the garden...mine isn't much...it's more of a "survival of the fittest" type garden...and so far the dandilions are doing fine, thank you...i saw a report in the news the other day that the green house effect is making the poison ivy stronger and more potent but i haven't seen an example of it in my garden as the "super deadly" crab grass has choked it out...

But i'm comforted to know that at least one of my friends as a "green thumb" and i live out my fantasy of super gardener through her emails;

"Oh, and by the way, my tomatoes are great! I marinaded them with cucumbers and onions from the garden along with my basil, parsley and cilantro in balsamic vinegar, dijon, tomato paste, kosher salt, sugar and olive oil...i served it over iceburg lettuce sprinkled with parmesan and a side of rye bread...yum! Love,
Pennyjo."

No matter how down i get about the world, i think about Pennyjo and her garden and i always feel better!

Friday, July 14, 2006

In memory of my grandma, Reba Davison of Mason City, Iowa


Christmas 1977...as you can see, we are a family that liked lots of pets!

I originally posted this in July, at that time my mom and i were discussing my grandmothers situation...you see, my mom had recently had to put her mom in the nursing home because my grandma decided she was no longer going to take her meds...that's right, grandma's off her meds...which you think would make a great situation comedy..."TONITE, on...GRANDMA'S OFF HER MEDS"...Grandma Reba takes on Hells Angels at Walgreens while waiting for her XANAX with hilarious results!"

O.k...maybe not...unless you knew my grandma and realized that she REALLY COULD take on Hells Angel if she wanted too...(as long as it didn't interfere with her bridge night with the girls)...my grandma chose instead, to take on everyone else...my grandma is a fighter...that is why she has lived so long (98! and still in her own home)...she was the eighth child of nine kids and has outlived them all...grew up in a very poor Quaker household with NO CAR...rode a horse to everything but that was, of course, when they were lucky to have a horse...they had very little food, heck, the depression was nothing for my grandma...she didn't even notice when it hit...but she survived to raise my mom and uncle and send them to college, and then SHE decided to go to college in 1962 when she was well into her 50's...something that was so unusual at the time that she was a front page article in the paper..."old lady goes to college" or something like that...she went on to become a nurse and then got hired by all her friends kids to take care of their parents when they couldn't take care of themselves, she was still doing private nursing INTO HER 80's when she was forced into retirement...because all her friends had passed away...

And, of my gosh, still driving well into her 80's...in fact, i have actually gone storm chasing an F 3 tornado and still was never as scared as when i went for a car ride with my grandma in her 1967 "boat"...one of those big giant gas guzzlers that was only driven by a little old lady to church...except that she drove over lawns and sidewalks to get there...(completely oblivious to her screaming neighbors as she HATED wearing her hearing aids)...there she was balancing her 86 year old hiney on TWO Mason City Iowa phone books (hey, it's a small town-you need two) so she could look over the steering wheel and see who she was flipping off..."stupid kids" she would mutter to 60 year old guys she cut off until my dad finally had to sneak into her garage and disable her car so she would stop driving...but i can think of no one tougher then my grandma...i will never have to fear growing old or stale thanks to my grandma...she started her life over and because of her example...when i turn 50 i'm going to run off and become a roadie for Stevie Nicks, or Heart or even Cher...we sisters are taking it on the road and doing it for ourselves!!!

But no my grandma is tired and wants to go home, on her terms of course...

God bless you Grandma Reba, i'll miss you,

Cindy

ps...before you go, could you please jot down your cinnamon-apple recipe...if you have time?

November 20, 2006...As it turns out, my grandma didn't have time...my grandma passed away suddenly Thursday, November 16, 2006 just a couple of months after her son died...my grandma survived just about everything but the death of a child...that's when she really gave up...but she kept her mind to the end, and i will cherish her memory to the end of mine.