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Monday, December 03, 2012

The World's Going to End December 21st, and I'm kinda looking forward to it...

So the Mayans are going to get it right, where all the other idiots have failed...December 21st is definately going to be the very last day on earth...and I believe it, because, well, it's the Mayans...and their name sounds so official...it's not like the Unitarians are predicting it, or God forbid the Lutherans, although if I get the chance, I'd love to go to one more Lutheran pot-luck before the big end of the universe thingy...problem is the best place for Lutheran pot-lucks are funerals, and with my luck, there will be one scheduled on the 22nd, which, unfortunately I won't be around because, c'mon, say it with me...December 21st is going to suck...

Now forgive me for not keeping track of exactly how it's all going down...massive volcano explosions, alien invasions, combination missile launch/zombie attack ...in my previous life as a radio DJ, I would have had all the skinnies on the big 12/21, and would have shared each and every grizzly detail with you, in between the weather and an old George Strait song, but something weird happened to me the day I lost my job...I no longer gave a damn...so sure, December 21st is going to be the last day on earth, but you know what, it's also the shortest daylight of the year, it's winter here in Wisconsin so it'll be freakin' cold, so odds are I'll be napping when it happens...

There's a plus side to all this and being the cheerful upbeat person that I am I'm more then glad to share this with you...all the worry and hassle of buying the perfect Christmas gift for someone...gone...think about this...you can tell the one you love most that you are getting them the most awesome, most wonderful gift in the world...and then December 21st comes and your like, "opps, sorry, it's a Mayan thing..." Sure they'll be disappointed, but hey, it's December 21st so they'll have bigger fish to fry...and they'll never suspect you blew the gift money on a manicure and pedi...and what the heck...highlights at the local mall...

Oh well, what can you do...the Mayans predicted it, so there's nothing I can do about it...except check out the obits in the local paper...man, I'm really craving a Lutheran pot-luck.

Cindy Huber

I Started Out Writing About Christmas Lights...

I started this post around 5:30p tonight...it was going to be about how the unusually warm December weather apparently gave everyone the same idea..."let's put up Christmas lights!" That was at 5:30p. But when you're married to a funeral director whose "on call" on Sunday night, well, plans can change pretty quick.

It was a quarter to six and I was still stuck on the first line of my post..."Who puts up Christmas lights in 60 degree weather?" The phone rang and it was a death call. Sometime earlier in the afternoon, a lady around my age had collapsed at her home. The paramedics had worked on her for a full hour, but she couldn't be saved. Now normally in Milwaukee, if your under a certain age and you collapse, you earn an automatic trip downtown to see the medical examiner, but in this woman's case, she had been under hospice care at one point...although she wasn't at the time of her death. I'm pretty familiar with that scenario...my mom and I have had several discussions about her going on hospice, and several weeks ago, they did come out to visit my mom. She has COPD, Pulmonary fibrosis, and her kidneys are failing. She has been in the hospital several times this year. She's been in enough times that I can tell you what day they serve the rotissarie chicken...and that you're going to need to salt it...

But my mom turned down hospice for now. And I can understand why. My mom gets pneumonia like some people get colds, but when my mom gets it, it's a trip to the ER, and usually a three day hospital stay. My mom can't take oral antibiotics, or at least the strong ones she needs now, they make her throw-up. So she needs her antibiotics through an IV...but for hospice, antibiotics through an IV is considered "agressive." And they wouldn't allow that if she was in hospice. And to my mom, the thought of choking from pneumonia, is scarier then the thought of having no help as she struggles at home. Now don't get me wrong, she does have my dad, my 17 year old niece, and the neighbors, but she has me everytime she calls and says she doesn't "feel good."

The last time she didn't "feel good" I immediately got in the car and drove 6 and a half hours to Iowa...I took Highway 18 through the Mississippi River Valley because there's an incredible pizza joint just over the bridge from Wisconsin...in Monona, it's called TJ's and it's worth all the speed traps that line the highway between Madison and the Mississippi...and because GPS said that it's quicker then taking I-90 through Minnesota. It's not. There's no stoplights or signs on I-90...and you can drive 80...opps...70...OK, I only drive 9 over, but that's only if I'm following the trucks...the reason I only do 9 over...one of my radio listeners use to be a sheriff in Wisconsin....he had a saying, "9 your fine, 10 you're mine." I haven't driven 10 over since. Back to my mom, she seemed fine albeit a little tired. But six hours later all hell broke lose, so I rushed her to emergency where they put her in ICU for a couple of days. When she got out they sent over nurses who came in a couple of times a week for three weeks. The nurses made sure my mom was taking the pills she was suppose to and doing her breathing treatments and such. Then when my mom is considered "stable," medicare stops covering them, and my mom's health slowly starts to slide downhill again. And the hospice talk starts all over again.

At a quarter to six, my husband thought he might need my help for this "death call." This woman was at home, on the floor, and my husband wanted to make sure he had enough help to get her out of there. We went over to the funeral home to get the van, and when we drove over to her house...her Christmas lights were on.

Cindy Huber