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Monday, December 11, 2006

Heartwarming Christmas stories about morons

When all my viagra and p**** enlargement spam have changed to "loans for Christmas" spam...i'm feeling the spirit! And then there's the Christmas moron stories...

This one comes from out of St. Louis where parts of the city recently suffered from a power outage due to a heavy snow storm...a 70 year old woman shot and killed her husband for bringing her a WARM beer...C'MON people...a WARM beer?!...now i could see if he had drank all her Mamertino!...Now on Blitzer and Donner to Sunny South Carolina where apparently they had no crime on the day that a mother called 911 and asked police to arrest her 11 year old son because he had GOTTEN INTO THE CHRISTMAS GIFTS she had hidden at grandmas house...and yes, since there was no other crime going on that day, the cops went to this kids school and did just that, arrested him.

Personally, i couldn't believe that and actually tried to check on the web to see if there was anymore to that story...there was...it seems that a few months ago, the kid in question hit his grandma...but on the day that he was arrested...he, well, he got into the presents after he was told not too...hmmmmmmm....now, i could see if he had gotten into the Dove chocolates she might have hidden in between her mattress after she had a particular grueling day at work...i guess i can't relate because my kids NEVER EVER try to get into any presents i buy for them...that is because i'm not allowed to buy the presents...EVER....i apparently SUCK at buying Christmas presents, and birthday presents, and the kids even refuse to open a card if I bought it...it all goes back to a particular daughters birthday in the year 1997 when my daughter turned five years old and was expecting an awesome gift of a bike, or a Barbie Doll or an easy bake oven and i got her....a chair.

And what an awesome chair it was...a local artist had painted beautiful kittens on it and since i knew my daughter liked kittens...and it was so pretty, i just knew she would love it!!!

She HATED it...she actually screamed "YOU GOT ME A CHAIR??!!" like i had given her a warm beer or something...even my normally mild mannered son proclaimed "man, that really blows mom."

So now every year when the birthdays and Christmas rolls around, the kids bypass me altogether and hand the wish lists over to their dad and stepdad and grandparents and aunts and uncles and EVERYONE but me...

My daughter still has the chair.
And she still says it sucks.