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Thursday, March 30, 2006

If Bernie Mac is Mr.3000 just WHERE the H*** AM I?!

One movie i really want to see is the GODFATHER OF GREEN BAY...i don't have to worry about the reviews...my buddy Mark Borchardt is in it and that's good enough for me...i bet you didn't know this but i was once in a movie too...oh yeah...you might have seen it...MR. 3000...it wasn't a real BIG part...in fact...you could refer to me as "EXTRA"...as in EXTRA WONDERFUL PAID EXTRA...that's right...no ordinary extra BUT a PAID...ok ok i'll cut the crap...

I spent about 3 weeks at Miller Park working on this movie from 6 at night til 6 the next morning...i can tell you at the very beginning of the shoot i was crazy enough to think i would actualy somehow be discovered..."sure i'm a little plump and of well, average looks, but by GOD someone on that set is going to discover i can't act AND they are gonna make me a STAR"!!! The only problem is EVERYONE on that set the very first day had EXACTLY the same thought...(and there were 60 of us that day - later the numbers swelled to 800 people)

Then, by about the third day i realized that there was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that anyone would ever see me in this movie which freed me to think about much more important things like; "what's for supper"? (which on the movie set was served anytime from 11 pm to 2 in the morning...and usually involved some incarnation of boneless, skinless chicken)

So as i sat in Miller Park night after night watching the sun go down and then coming back up 12 hours later and thinking about how i was never going to be famous and wondering if it was going to be chicken again for supper (it was, night after night after night)...i made NEW friends just like me with names like Hollie and Zimdog and that chick from Midwest Airlines who had been laid off...and better yet...they taught me how to play a mean game of bullsh**!
(yes, there is a card game called bullsh** and it's a fun game and cool people play it...ok?...although if you must know we didn't shout bullsh** when we played it...we would say bullcrap...ok...i'm just kidding...we said bullsh**)

So, what did we do 12 hours at night sitting in the bleachers at Miller Park...you know, when we weren't eating chicken and playing bullsh**?

Well, some nights it took them hours just to set up a shot and it seemed like sometime between 2 am and 3 am they would trot out Bernie and then they would film a scene...other nights they would trot us up and down the seats of Miller Park...shoot a scene...move us to another section of the ballpark...shoot the same scene again at another angle...and then again at...(you get the gist)...and we would cheer (but don't make any noise...(the sound effect guys would add that later)...look to the right...look to the left...jump up and cheer...(please people...NO NOISE!)..."ok...we have the shot"...now back to the card game again...

My being a "paid extra" is one of those things i'll always be glad i did even if it did ruin the glamour of movie making...in fact, for me it ruined movies and tv shows altogether because now i'm busy looking at the people in the background and i miss what the MAIN actors and actresses are dion...(look at the young guy in the background holding a glass of wine pretending to talk to that middle age woman in the pink dress...he's faking it!)

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Not that Terri Schiavo case again!

It's like a bad dream...i had truley hoped that after last year i would never have to see or hear another thing about the sadness that was the entire Terri Schiavo story...but i see her husband is in the news again...this time to tell "his side of the story" . Personally, i don't care what he has to say...but i realize that maybe you do...that is why, whichever side you took through that nightmare last year...i think that this is one thing we can all agree on...take a good hard look at your significant other and ask..."is this really the person i want to pull the feeding out of me?"

ps...and if the answer is no...get the heck out of there!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Diets SUCK!

....And this is coming from someone who is "technically" on a diet 365 days a year!

But i'm a firm believer in if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, and then add half a quart of vodka to it!

It's kind of scarey how it "all of a sudden" creeps up on you...one day...your pants don't fit...it's what i call a "JANET JACKSON"...as in "Janet Jackson's SUPER BOWL WARDROBE MALFUNCTION"...

I have a wardrobe malfunction every day...seriously, i do....it really should be called "my clothes are too tight and i need to lose weight," but i abbreviate it by calling it my "wardrobe malfunction"...

My son turned 13 on the day of Janet's wardrobe malfunction...i had just bought him a steak dinner and as we gathered to watch the Super Bowl and Janet Jacksons boob came hurtling out of our 19 inch color tv, his eyes grew big as saucers and he turned to me and said "mom, this is the best birthday ever!"

A dog, a turtle, NO SNAKES!

This is what i can't figure out about Max the dog...how can a animal who sniffs other dogs butts and rips into the garbage on a daily basis manage to spit out his antibiotics...seriously, i've seen this dog cheerfully raid the cat's litter box...but every single night that i get home i wrap his lifesaving pill in a piece of bologna or butter and every single night Max manages to carefully eat around the pill...and spit it out.

I welcome all suggestions except "get rid of the dog"...my old man has already tried that one.

My stepson is not too happy with me..his buddy's snake (boa constricter-thanks for asking) has just had babies (and you can see where this is going can't you?)...is it my imagination or does every teenage boy have a friend who has a snake that just had babies...what are they, the new hamsters?! Of course i said NO...as in NO WAY!

Of course he thinks i'm not fair because - as he's pointed out my daughter has a dog and my son has a turtle but i'm sticking to my guns...you see, if the turtle ever escapes from his cage, he won't eat the dog!

The trouble with blogs...

Hey, i was reading the Milwaukee Journal recently when i saw a story on a couple of people who actually lost their jobs because of their blogs...that's right...they were fired because their boss actually READ their blogs...and one of the ladies had actually been fired two different times over her blog...i know what your thinking...what the H E Double toothpicks...apparently the offending post began "things i heard at the Christmas party last night"...which i can assure you that i would never post anything i heard at the Christmas party but mostly because it would probably involve me anyway like "did you see how much Huber had to drink?"...so, while i suspect no one who works here at WKTI has anything to worry about...i heard the family dog wants to have a few words with me.

Fall, 2004 The Story of Max the dog


It's a short story actually, Max got sick, i took him to the vet, and now Max is doing better...which is kind of a boring story unless you understand that Max was a birthday present for my little girl - the animal lover, (to replace her cat that had just recently passed away) when out of the blue we woke up to a pile of vomit and well...dog feces last week and it looked like another Huber pet was on his way to pet heaven...which is starting to get a little crowded...we weren't even sure if we had enough money to save him but after my daughter started crying "why do all my birthday presents die?"...we managed to scrape up a few bucks for her "save the dog fund" and we saved the dog.

So what was the problem? We're still not real sure but it's some kind of parasite whose name i forget that the dog picked up from somewhere and that's about all i know except...if your dog ever gets real sick and you rush him to the vet and the bill comes to 471 bucks...that's the one!

So far the dog is fine...i'm just glad the turtle hasn't caused us any problems lately...right now he's hibernating...at least i think he's hibernating...uh..."kids, check the turtle."

The ADVENTURES OF F MAN AND D MINUS BOY


I got my kids report cards today. To say i'm pissed is putting it mildly...my stepson informed me that he doesn't have time to study and get good grades because "he's not going to be young forever and he doesn't want to waste his youth." That's right...that's what he said. Since beating the crap out of my kid's isn't an option i have decided instead to think of them as

SUPER ACTION FIGURES! ...and i'm going to call it;

THE ADVENTURES OF F MAN AND D MINUS BOY!

My son's are a couple of action figures who soar through the air trying to fight crime and save the world...BUT, with a unique perspective...for instance... in episode number one the dynamic duo is relaxing at home with a lot of time on their hands (since they're skipping school) when suddenly they hear a victim screaming for help as he slowly sinks in quick sand "Help me help me" he screams..."oh wait, it's you, F man and D minus boy...um, never mind...i'll save myself."

Paging the pet pyschic

My daughter got a dog for her birthday last year...his name is Max and he's a bichon-frise which is french for "you paid too much for this dog." He came with "papers" which he promptly peed on and is reportedly a pisces which, according to the pet horoscope states: "piscean pets are suppose to know if your happy or upset" but as far as i can tell this dog just doesn't seem to give a damn...which is totally upsetting my daughters Virgo cat...which in lay/cat term states: "hardworking and loyal," which, come to think of it, doesn't much describe the cat either.

The night before the big Iowa trip...

I have always envied people who live near their parents...i'd hear them gripe and complain and i'd think..."wouldn't that be cool to live close to your parents so you could see them whenever you want - wouldn't that be a luxury instead of maybe a week out of a year and then again when there's a funeral to attend?" Tomorrow i load up the kids and head out to Iowa...a place where i use to joke "it's not the end of the world but you can see it from there...the big thing in the summer is to sit on my brothers roof and watch the storms roll in...i try to time the vacation so we get at least one tornado warning while we're there...

But lately the trips to Iowa have taken a different tone...my grandma is 98 this year, and my dad is fighting cancer and i find myself holding on to them a little bit longer and begging for stories about when they were younger...you know, the stories they've told a hundred times that i use to be able to say in my sleep...like the one where my aunt met Elvis Presley and was so nervous that when he asked her who her favorite singer was she blirted out "Pat Boone" (totally true)...Elvis thought it was funny BUT for years afterwards when anyone said something STUPID we'd say "Pat Boone."

Every spring my mom and i visit the graves of my great grandparents to lay flowers but the last couple of years she's taken to pointing out the spot where she and dad want to be buried and i find myself being jolted by an incredible burst of pain...like, someday it's going to be my turn to bring my daughter here to lay flowers and honestly, i don't think i'm ready for it, and time which use to move so slowly in Iowa is now suddenly moving too fast for me...but you know what..?
Tomorrow is a time for celebration because i'm going to go home and see my family and even if i win the lottery someday...I will never be as rich as i am now, at this moment.

Cindy learns how to blog!

Later...the same Friday...

Oh man, how exciting...my first blog!

You know, i'm terrible at this...this whole computer age sucks...i still can't figure out how to get rid of ALL my spam! All i did was sign up for a "bible verse a day club"...figured it wouldn't hurt to say a prayer before my show and see what God was up to...next thing i know, i'm getting all this Viagra spam...so i sent these morons a reply...something to the effect of f**k you...and the VERY NEXT DAY i had over 92 pieces of p***s enlargement spam! So i figured, if you can't beat them, join them club...so now i just forward my p***s enlargement and viagra spam to my ex-husband and he forwards his br***t augumentation spam to me!