When all my viagra and p**** enlargement spam have changed to "loans for Christmas" spam...i'm feeling the spirit! And then there's the Christmas moron stories...
This one comes from out of St. Louis where parts of the city recently suffered from a power outage due to a heavy snow storm...a 70 year old woman shot and killed her husband for bringing her a WARM beer...C'MON people...a WARM beer?!...now i could see if he had drank all her Mamertino!...Now on Blitzer and Donner to Sunny South Carolina where apparently they had no crime on the day that a mother called 911 and asked police to arrest her 11 year old son because he had GOTTEN INTO THE CHRISTMAS GIFTS she had hidden at grandmas house...and yes, since there was no other crime going on that day, the cops went to this kids school and did just that, arrested him.
Personally, i couldn't believe that and actually tried to check on the web to see if there was anymore to that story...there was...it seems that a few months ago, the kid in question hit his grandma...but on the day that he was arrested...he, well, he got into the presents after he was told not too...hmmmmmmm....now, i could see if he had gotten into the Dove chocolates she might have hidden in between her mattress after she had a particular grueling day at work...i guess i can't relate because my kids NEVER EVER try to get into any presents i buy for them...that is because i'm not allowed to buy the presents...EVER....i apparently SUCK at buying Christmas presents, and birthday presents, and the kids even refuse to open a card if I bought it...it all goes back to a particular daughters birthday in the year 1997 when my daughter turned five years old and was expecting an awesome gift of a bike, or a Barbie Doll or an easy bake oven and i got her....a chair.
And what an awesome chair it was...a local artist had painted beautiful kittens on it and since i knew my daughter liked kittens...and it was so pretty, i just knew she would love it!!!
She HATED it...she actually screamed "YOU GOT ME A CHAIR??!!" like i had given her a warm beer or something...even my normally mild mannered son proclaimed "man, that really blows mom."
So now every year when the birthdays and Christmas rolls around, the kids bypass me altogether and hand the wish lists over to their dad and stepdad and grandparents and aunts and uncles and EVERYONE but me...
My daughter still has the chair.
And she still says it sucks.
Monday, December 11, 2006
The difference between boobs and Ta-ta's
Well, no surprise, i saw last week that family services of LA requested a meeting with Britney Spears...they were alerted to several pictures of her in the national tabloids in various stages of undress, and wondered if her partying was affecting her ability to properly care of her two young sons...
I saw the same pictures and came away with a my own view...something that every woman who has had more then one baby should instinctly know; that, if your a babe who has had babies, you shouldn't be showing your boobs if your hanging around a chick with ta-ta's.
Let me explain, (Britney Spears)if you've had babies, those ta-ta's of yours are now BOOBS...that's right, boobs, and let me give you another shocking reality check, Brit, they don't look all that good if your hanging around your new best friend (Paris Hilton) who has never had babies but is sporting (read: revealing) ta-ta's...now to be sure, i'm sure this is something that no redblooded American male has never noticed or stopped to contemplate, but as a concerned babe with boobs i thought i should point it out to you anyway honey...you just don't look all that good hanging out (and i mean "HANGING OUT) with Paris...you see, i was once a babe with ta-ta's (although i was starting to get older before i had kids so they could have been changing into boobs for all i know) BUT, before i had kids i actually had money so i could shop at Victoria Secrets and buy decent bras...now it's all jockey and hanes and 2 for ten bucks at Walgreens, but that's beside the point...
Boobs have a mind of their own and much like my chin, tummy and butt, are all racing like a bunch of drunken lemmings south...which, in my case; south means towards my brand new wood laminate flooring which i'm very proud of...
Now Britney, boobs are nothing to be ashamed of and can actually have some good uses like, in my case, i can put money and my drivers license in there when i don't feel like carrying a purse...something i didn't have to worry about when i had ta-ta's because there was always a hot guy with a red sports car buying me drinks...(i'm joking of course--about the hot guy AND the red sports car and buying me drinks but stay with me)...
The bottom line is this Britney, you have babies, boobs, and your're going to be hanging out with Paris and her ta-ta's, for GODS SAKE COVER UP...
Unless of course if your're going commando and there is a photographer present,(and you have 34 million dollars in the bank) since that seems to even everything up.
I saw the same pictures and came away with a my own view...something that every woman who has had more then one baby should instinctly know; that, if your a babe who has had babies, you shouldn't be showing your boobs if your hanging around a chick with ta-ta's.
Let me explain, (Britney Spears)if you've had babies, those ta-ta's of yours are now BOOBS...that's right, boobs, and let me give you another shocking reality check, Brit, they don't look all that good if your hanging around your new best friend (Paris Hilton) who has never had babies but is sporting (read: revealing) ta-ta's...now to be sure, i'm sure this is something that no redblooded American male has never noticed or stopped to contemplate, but as a concerned babe with boobs i thought i should point it out to you anyway honey...you just don't look all that good hanging out (and i mean "HANGING OUT) with Paris...you see, i was once a babe with ta-ta's (although i was starting to get older before i had kids so they could have been changing into boobs for all i know) BUT, before i had kids i actually had money so i could shop at Victoria Secrets and buy decent bras...now it's all jockey and hanes and 2 for ten bucks at Walgreens, but that's beside the point...
Boobs have a mind of their own and much like my chin, tummy and butt, are all racing like a bunch of drunken lemmings south...which, in my case; south means towards my brand new wood laminate flooring which i'm very proud of...
Now Britney, boobs are nothing to be ashamed of and can actually have some good uses like, in my case, i can put money and my drivers license in there when i don't feel like carrying a purse...something i didn't have to worry about when i had ta-ta's because there was always a hot guy with a red sports car buying me drinks...(i'm joking of course--about the hot guy AND the red sports car and buying me drinks but stay with me)...
The bottom line is this Britney, you have babies, boobs, and your're going to be hanging out with Paris and her ta-ta's, for GODS SAKE COVER UP...
Unless of course if your're going commando and there is a photographer present,(and you have 34 million dollars in the bank) since that seems to even everything up.
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